How to Put the Spark Back into Your Marriage

This article was originally published by marriage.com October, 2019

Let’s face it sex can get routine, downright boring after you have been married for a while. The same old routine. The same positions, the same person initiating it, it’s like a movie that you have seen over and over again that you really never fully enjoyed the second time yet alone the 5th and the 6th time. Sound familiar?

First of all, I want you both to put on your love lens. A love lens is a term I like to use that means to look at your partner with love and adoration. This is a lens that is unconditional, vulnerable, willing to give and open to receive.

Here are some ways to see if the sparks fly. Do you know your partner’s body? If I blindfolded you and had you feel three naked bodies would you know which one was your partners? Lay naked with your partner; touch, caress and kiss every part of them. This is such a loving and sensual exercise. After you are done have them do the same to you. This exercise should create a desire for intercourse. Hold off until you have both explored each other’s bodies. Let the tension build up.

Kiss. Do you recall the days of heavy petting? When you would kiss for hours and that’s all you would do? Kissing is one of the most sensual things you can do. Close mouth, open mouth, sucking on your partner’s lips. Get lost in the kiss and see where it takes you.

Get outside of yourself and find out what your partner likes. Be vulnerable and express to your partner what you like. If you and your partner don’t know what you like, besides what you are currently doing, then start to explore.

Do you like to talk dirty? Have you ever tried it? Tell your partner things you would like to do to them and things you would like them to do to you. This can be a great turn on for both you and your partner, by hearing the words and visualizing what the words are describing.

Create the mood. Create an ambiance of romance and sensuality in your bedroom. Light candles that smell amazing, put some music on have some massage oils nearby.

Please keep in mind that these are all just ideas and suggestions. Get creative and have fun with this. You can even plan that long awaited romantic getaway you have always been talking about!!! At the very least I want you to start having date night, if you are not already. Eat tacos from a food truck, get that dinner reservation at that fancy place that takes months to get. Mix it up. Get your favorite decadent foods, get in bed with a favorite movie and feed each other. Have fun, be silly and enjoy each other.

I want you to go back and remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Remember those beautiful moments. Also remember that marriage is a beautiful, sacred union between two people. It is to be honored and cherished. Within this union allow there to be love, romance, sexuality, sensuality and fun. Enjoy each other, explore and always go back to the gratitude that you have a partner to spend your life with. How terrific is that?

You can read more of my articles at marriage.com/kirstenlouisecantley